Loneliness Silence and Attraction

Ugh school yesterday seemed to last for years. I thought school was a living hell well its even worse when all your friends are absent on the same day. I only have like 3 friends and all of them missed school for a different reason.(Kayla was on a StuCo trip, Michelle was sick, and Micheal skipped) I felt like even more of an outcast than normal. Sitting in the back of the class room all alone no one to talk to. I seem to blend into the background and stick out at the same time. I'm a happy fun person when i'm with friends but when I'm surrounded by people i hate i'm silent as the night. Only my wardrobe sticks out among all the aeropostale and American Eagle. My hot topic arm warmers and skull covered T-shirt. Accessorized with spikes more skulls and my jack skelington purse. All this mixed with my bored expression made me stick out in this conformist school like a sore thumb. And my lack of caring made me all the stranger. And with my few friends gone i was alone surrounded by them. the populars. Feeling lost I simply read my book ignoring the gossip and sports talk all around me. Nobody is mean to me but its obvious i don't fit in and don't try. Occasionally someone talks to me just small talk, jokes, or asking for help on homework. One girl in my class i'm slowly becoming friends with she's not a fake like the rest she's just the type of person people want to be around. She is sweet and funny and seemed to get along with everyone. She made my english class more fun but the rest of the day i was completely alone(she only sits by me in one class) I suppose my loner Hate aura wards people off oh well i like my quiet time.

Silence. Ah how i love the sound. I never thought the school could be so quiet. The blaring cafeteria to the whispers in the library but completely silent unheard of. But yesterday i found out it can happen. There i was quietly reading my book as voices of every octave talk about all there drunken parties and intense game moments and what he/she did. I try to tune them out and get lost in my book. My wonderful book. Oh how you steal me from reality. The one voice speaks and the room quiets down to mermmers and whispers. Mrs. Welch(my Chemistry teacher) Says were going to the field b/c her little girl is running. Aww cute right but it wasnt my kid i just want to get lost in my book. I sigh and begin to gather my things. "you can stay if you want. Just close the door behind you when you leave." Finally being smart and quiet paid off. My teacher trusted me enough to leave me alone. So my class left and here i am all alone in the science lab. And its completely silent. Dead silent. Not a sound. I couldn't believe i thought maybe i went deaf but no. I was all alone in the science lab just me and my book but soon i wouldn't be in the lab. I would be immersed into the world of my book. Where nothing was real nothing but this story and the silence of the room. RRRing *sigh* nothing good lasts forever.

Now I like to think of myself as a controlled strong hearted person, but everytime i see Zach I just stare(yeah its bad) I find myself watching his back in class not listening to the teacher. Loving the way his muscles show perfeclty through his shirt, just wanting to hug him and see what its like. I love the way his hair falls perfectly in front of his eyes as he moves it away. The way his arms look under his sleaves and his gorgeous deep blue eyes. I try to hide my obvious attraction and look away when he glances in my direction. When he happens to notice me he smiles and i swear i melt. I try to bring my self back to realtiy but i just get lost in him in this forbidden longing. Ugh i think to myself what is wrong with me look at that stupid name brand boy. With his stupid gentlemanly personality holding doors and such. Yeah and here you'd think his personality sucks no its also perfect. He's smart but not a nerd and kindly makes conversation with me. usually its just talk about books or school and like everybody else he praises my grades with a jealous tone in his voice (Yes bc i'm top of my class the guys see me as a rival) As we dicuss collages he praises ATM i smile and agree desperately trying not to lose my cool(ha as if i had any to begin with) I ask myself why is he so different i normally don't freak out around guys i have lots of guy friends so i'm good at talking to them and joking with them. Maybe its bc he's not like the guys i hang out with maybe its bc he is so seemingly perfect. Oh well for now i guess i'll just continue trying not to freak him out anymore than i probably do.
All the days on this are off bc i typed this Friday but didn't get a chance to post it until now. :P

Making a difference

I spent the weekend at my mom's which is always an interesting time. We stayed up all night playing cards. At school games don't interest me but when its against my family i get extremely competitive. The card game was called golf and it was really fun but i kept losing. but before that my mom had some things to do we went to see one of my moms friends for his birthday. Surprisingly he was a funny guy my moms friends tend to be just annoying drunks. I couldn't help but laugh at everything he said. like were talking about a car crash and he says "well i never crash into anything. The other day i crashed into a tree though. But its my tree i can run it over if i want to." After that we stopped by the bar where his party was going to be. And guess what they were serving mountain oysters (for those of you who don't know thats bull balls) I didn't eat any though. We only stayed for a few minutes but that was all it took to make my stomach sick. I can't stand cigarettes or alcohol. And this guy came up and tried to flirt with me and did the worst thing he possibly could have(automatic bad first impression) He lit up a cigarette. Not to say i hate people who smoke (my dad smokes) i just don't like to be around people when they smoke(or drink) After all this we went home and ate spaghetti.
Then i saw this cute little brown puppy. she's a mix between a chihuahua and a wiener dog. And found out the boy there beats it(my mom lives on the land of some of her friends and we were in there house) and they were going to kill it. I decided i couldn't let that happen and that i would take it home only 1 problem, No pets allowed in my house(its rented) But how could i let that little baby girl die. Well i couldn't so i was gonna find her a home. So when i got home i asked my dad if she could stay with us until i could find her a home, he said i had one week or it was off to the pound with her. And that she had to stay in my room. Last night she slept in my bed i tried to tell myself i couldn't get attached to her(thats why i didn't name her) but she was so cute. Today i found her a home my friend tyler is taking her and he named her Sandy. I'm happy she has a home now but i'm really gonna miss her
This week is TAKS(Texas Accessment of Knowledge and Skill) week today was math and then Thursday i have science Friday Social Studies. The tests are really easy but there so long and boring Its gonna be a long week T-T but on the bright side we won't be doing much in class this week. After the test you read until everybodies done and i started Shiver by Maggie Stiefvater
good so far but just started. Oh well thats it for now Stevens coming over in a bit so gotta clean up my room.