Summer Storms

I asoulutley love thunder storms, the rain pounding on the ceiling, the thunder roaring breaking the silence and the way lightning make the night sky bright as day. i love to stare out my window and watch the rain fall washing all the sadness away. and finally when its over the world is silent. A beautiful silence like, if only for a moment, the world is a peace. Ahh rain yes and thanks to our storm last night the weather today was lovely cool instead of the scorching weather we normally have at this time of year. I hate hate hot weather so todays brezzy cool weather was a releif.
At last Summer is here and i am free for 3 months. yes 3 months of not getting up at 6 30. Yay! actually got out last Thursday but I've been busy this week everybody wants to hang out and we had our state ensamble contest but we didn't do to well. Oh well its done with. Got a doctor appointment tomorrow ugh i hate hospitals oh well. Hope everybody has a great summer i plan to and its off to a good start here.

hmmmmmm.......

After many posts full of complaints and such i have nothing to complain about besides being stuck at home on a saturday. But i guess i should be overjoyed that so far thats the worst part of my day. I am So BORED though i absoulutly hate being stuck at home but thats where i spend most of my time. *sigh* Hopefully this Summer will be fun and eventful. Only one more week of school but thats a week full of finals *sigh again* oh well schools easy anyway. But to think only 4 more days of getting up at 6:20 in the morning and then i get 3 months of sleeping in. Not that i sleep that late anyway i noramlly wake up about 8 or9ish. 2 bad thing about this school year ending. 1 i have to get a summer job. yeah its terrible. Not that i really mind working that much but the only job really available here for someone my age is a waitress and i'm not a people person. I know from my previous job that i am a bad waitress. And its terrible not being able to yell at the customers and say "You Stupid idiot do look like the fucking cook! No so don't fucking yell at me cause its taking forever to make your steak! If your in a hurry don't order a steak you dumbass!" and you can't yell at your coworkers for being lazy bitches cause there related to the boss. Oh well good for you now get your ass off the phone and do your job. T_T yeah needless to say i hated my job and do not want to be a waitress again but probably will be. Reason 2 my boyfriend,steven and my band buddy, Scott are graduating. I don't have any classes with Steven anyway but i'm gonna be so lonely not getting to see him every morning and have him walk me to class. And i fear for our relationship. I love him and i want to believe we will stay together but the reality distance isn't good on a relationship. I'm going to try my hardest to make it work though and i'm sure he will to since he misses me when he goes a day without seeing me. And Scott by far one of the strangest people i know is also leaving. his crazy talk and the way he acts out games and anime always brightens my day. Plus he's the only one i have to talk to in band Which means next year my lonerness will show even more as i sit alone during lunch no longer laughing with scott. To make clear me and Scott are just friends despite Steven's worrying about Scott and my brother girlfriend believing i'm going to marry scott. Now here is the weird part in all this. Me and steven are together but steven is jealous of Scott(who is his friend), Scott is in love with Karrie who believes Scott is going to marry me, and karrie is dating my brother who is friends with both Scott and Steven. Poor scott is the only one who is not in a relationship though. I have been desperately trying to get Scott to go out with cassie(just another friend) but so far no luck. Wow i seemed to have strayed from the original subject and ended up complaining about something unintentionally *sigh* oh well its lunch time so i'm going to go bother my dad.

Loneliness Silence and Attraction

Ugh school yesterday seemed to last for years. I thought school was a living hell well its even worse when all your friends are absent on the same day. I only have like 3 friends and all of them missed school for a different reason.(Kayla was on a StuCo trip, Michelle was sick, and Micheal skipped) I felt like even more of an outcast than normal. Sitting in the back of the class room all alone no one to talk to. I seem to blend into the background and stick out at the same time. I'm a happy fun person when i'm with friends but when I'm surrounded by people i hate i'm silent as the night. Only my wardrobe sticks out among all the aeropostale and American Eagle. My hot topic arm warmers and skull covered T-shirt. Accessorized with spikes more skulls and my jack skelington purse. All this mixed with my bored expression made me stick out in this conformist school like a sore thumb. And my lack of caring made me all the stranger. And with my few friends gone i was alone surrounded by them. the populars. Feeling lost I simply read my book ignoring the gossip and sports talk all around me. Nobody is mean to me but its obvious i don't fit in and don't try. Occasionally someone talks to me just small talk, jokes, or asking for help on homework. One girl in my class i'm slowly becoming friends with she's not a fake like the rest she's just the type of person people want to be around. She is sweet and funny and seemed to get along with everyone. She made my english class more fun but the rest of the day i was completely alone(she only sits by me in one class) I suppose my loner Hate aura wards people off oh well i like my quiet time.

Silence. Ah how i love the sound. I never thought the school could be so quiet. The blaring cafeteria to the whispers in the library but completely silent unheard of. But yesterday i found out it can happen. There i was quietly reading my book as voices of every octave talk about all there drunken parties and intense game moments and what he/she did. I try to tune them out and get lost in my book. My wonderful book. Oh how you steal me from reality. The one voice speaks and the room quiets down to mermmers and whispers. Mrs. Welch(my Chemistry teacher) Says were going to the field b/c her little girl is running. Aww cute right but it wasnt my kid i just want to get lost in my book. I sigh and begin to gather my things. "you can stay if you want. Just close the door behind you when you leave." Finally being smart and quiet paid off. My teacher trusted me enough to leave me alone. So my class left and here i am all alone in the science lab. And its completely silent. Dead silent. Not a sound. I couldn't believe i thought maybe i went deaf but no. I was all alone in the science lab just me and my book but soon i wouldn't be in the lab. I would be immersed into the world of my book. Where nothing was real nothing but this story and the silence of the room. RRRing *sigh* nothing good lasts forever.

Now I like to think of myself as a controlled strong hearted person, but everytime i see Zach I just stare(yeah its bad) I find myself watching his back in class not listening to the teacher. Loving the way his muscles show perfeclty through his shirt, just wanting to hug him and see what its like. I love the way his hair falls perfectly in front of his eyes as he moves it away. The way his arms look under his sleaves and his gorgeous deep blue eyes. I try to hide my obvious attraction and look away when he glances in my direction. When he happens to notice me he smiles and i swear i melt. I try to bring my self back to realtiy but i just get lost in him in this forbidden longing. Ugh i think to myself what is wrong with me look at that stupid name brand boy. With his stupid gentlemanly personality holding doors and such. Yeah and here you'd think his personality sucks no its also perfect. He's smart but not a nerd and kindly makes conversation with me. usually its just talk about books or school and like everybody else he praises my grades with a jealous tone in his voice (Yes bc i'm top of my class the guys see me as a rival) As we dicuss collages he praises ATM i smile and agree desperately trying not to lose my cool(ha as if i had any to begin with) I ask myself why is he so different i normally don't freak out around guys i have lots of guy friends so i'm good at talking to them and joking with them. Maybe its bc he's not like the guys i hang out with maybe its bc he is so seemingly perfect. Oh well for now i guess i'll just continue trying not to freak him out anymore than i probably do.
All the days on this are off bc i typed this Friday but didn't get a chance to post it until now. :P

Making a difference

I spent the weekend at my mom's which is always an interesting time. We stayed up all night playing cards. At school games don't interest me but when its against my family i get extremely competitive. The card game was called golf and it was really fun but i kept losing. but before that my mom had some things to do we went to see one of my moms friends for his birthday. Surprisingly he was a funny guy my moms friends tend to be just annoying drunks. I couldn't help but laugh at everything he said. like were talking about a car crash and he says "well i never crash into anything. The other day i crashed into a tree though. But its my tree i can run it over if i want to." After that we stopped by the bar where his party was going to be. And guess what they were serving mountain oysters (for those of you who don't know thats bull balls) I didn't eat any though. We only stayed for a few minutes but that was all it took to make my stomach sick. I can't stand cigarettes or alcohol. And this guy came up and tried to flirt with me and did the worst thing he possibly could have(automatic bad first impression) He lit up a cigarette. Not to say i hate people who smoke (my dad smokes) i just don't like to be around people when they smoke(or drink) After all this we went home and ate spaghetti.
Then i saw this cute little brown puppy. she's a mix between a chihuahua and a wiener dog. And found out the boy there beats it(my mom lives on the land of some of her friends and we were in there house) and they were going to kill it. I decided i couldn't let that happen and that i would take it home only 1 problem, No pets allowed in my house(its rented) But how could i let that little baby girl die. Well i couldn't so i was gonna find her a home. So when i got home i asked my dad if she could stay with us until i could find her a home, he said i had one week or it was off to the pound with her. And that she had to stay in my room. Last night she slept in my bed i tried to tell myself i couldn't get attached to her(thats why i didn't name her) but she was so cute. Today i found her a home my friend tyler is taking her and he named her Sandy. I'm happy she has a home now but i'm really gonna miss her
This week is TAKS(Texas Accessment of Knowledge and Skill) week today was math and then Thursday i have science Friday Social Studies. The tests are really easy but there so long and boring Its gonna be a long week T-T but on the bright side we won't be doing much in class this week. After the test you read until everybodies done and i started Shiver by Maggie Stiefvater
good so far but just started. Oh well thats it for now Stevens coming over in a bit so gotta clean up my room.

Just another day

Band contest yesterday went ok. we didn't make sweepstakes. T-T We got straight 1s on our music but a 2 on sight-reading. Really sight-reading. Because we didn't slow down and a stupid trumpet kept messing up. well kinda upset about that but the trip was fun and i got out of school for it. The whole way up there Scott told me about all these animes i need to watch and then we aggravated Kayla while she was trying to read. Fun Fun.
Today i had to go back to school and make up all my work. I had two tests to make up Chemistry and Algebra 2. School was boring today nothing happened. Well Jake(just some guy in my class) got glasses and he's totally bummed but they really don't look that bad on him. other wise nothing new today. Last night i had to write two poems for English. One from the point of view of someone on the Titanic and one a metaphor about some one i know. Well here they are. Tell me what you think.

Today we board the Titanic
I’ve never seen a ship before
It looked so very big
And the passengers like tiny ants
I can’t help but feel uneasy
And my mother’s words do not help
She thinks saying the Titanic is unsinkable
Is like flying in the face of God
She has decided not to sleep at night
Neither will I
I wake as my father enters
He’s in a hurry
He picks me up
It is happening
The Titanic is sinking
My mother and I are placed on a life boat
But Daddy stays behind
Daddy stays on the Titanic
All around me I hear screaming
People are drowning
People are dying
The Titanic is sinking
Then it is silent
A terrible, deathly silence

This one is written from the point of view of a girl named Eva Hart who was 7 then. Her and her mother survived but her father died. The next one is about my mother.

My mom is a bird
She flies away
Unable to stay in one place
Soaring high in the sky
In a world so unlike mine
So close yet so far
Something you see but can not touch
For as soon as you are near
She flies away
Her love for adoration
Her need for love
So fragile, so easy to break
But even with broken wings
She still seems to fly away
Leaving behind this world
Leaving behind me
But here I shall wait
For my bird to return

I guess its pretty self explanatory, but its all about my mom and how she hasn't really been around for me.
Aside from school my day has been boring. I just finished all my homework and my brother stole my PS2 so i can't play my game. And all my friends live to far away to hang out. *sigh*oh the boredom. Ah well tata for now hopeful i'll have something more interesting to say next time.

Monday T-T

Yes monday by far the worst day of the week. It really should be illegal to force children to wake up so early. I get up at 6:30 to spend 40 minutes getting dress and still look like crap. The i spend 8 hours at that hell hole called school to learn what i could learn in maybe an hour at most. My history teach is a coach and teaches us nothing he doesn't even grade our papers. there 45 minutes wasted. Geometry is so annoying and now were going over TAKS which is so easy. another 45 minutes. Activity period is a chance for me to read my book so those 30 min aren't completely wasted. Spanish is well Spanish. The class is easy and i have it with my friends but its just well annoying. Chemistry isn't so bad but its also really easy. And then BCIS 2(I forget what it stands for but its a computer class) I learn about as much in that class as i would if i banged my head against the wall for 45 minutes. I spend about 10 minutes doing the assigned work then i play Free-cell(i like this came cause it makes me think) i've been playing them in order and i'm on game 90. I don't eat lunch so i spend that time talking to my friend Scott. He is such a fun guy but most people see him as creepy cause he's really well unique. We usually talk about manga, anime, video games, or family. Then band the only class i like. I love band because i love music. being able to make music is something i've always wanted to do and now i play the saxophone(3 years of saxophone 2 of flute) It is an amazing instrument(mines name is Khufu after an Egyptian Pharaoh) But there is one thing i hate about band and its name is Destiny(yes a person) she this dumb ass little whore that sits next to me. She is by far the worst saxophone player and the loudest and to make matters worse she does it on purpose. The only reason i haven't punched her in the face is b/c if i do i can't go to our contest tomorrow. We didn't make to state in marching so now we have to redeem ourselves with concert band. After band its english which was interesting today. Were learning about rhythm in poetry(Iambi,anapestic, and so on) So today we went outside and slapped and stopped and read the poetry which was kinda fun. And lastly Algebra 2 by far my hardest class but i actually like my teacher. She's an old lady who comes off as really sweet but she tells you straight what she thinks. Then i get to come home and be bored (all my friends live in the country T-T)

Back to band tomorrow is our contest and sightreading. The three songs we are playing are called:Kenya Contrast, Kinder Legend, and Mister Joe. And well to be completely honest they need alot of work and the contest is tomorrow -_- Sight reading is always easy so i'm not worried about that. *sigh* heres to hoping.

One last thing to type about today the manga i'm currently reading is called Skip Beat. It is excellent manga that i would definitely suggest. It's about a girl who joins show biz to get revenge. I am currently on book 12 and the story is so good. I'm borrowing them from a friend so i always have to wait to read the next one. They have it worst borrowing manga from me due to lack of money it takes me forever to buy the next book to the series i read. The three major ones i own are:Hellsing, Hell girl, and Fullmetal Alchemist. Hell girl is still coming out and i can never find the book i'm on in Hellsing its always the one i have *skip* then the one after that never the one i need. Fullmetal Alchemist i blame on my not having a job. See i have excuses. Oh well i'll get them eventually.
Well that's it for now wish me luck with band tomorrow ^.^

4/16/10

I meant to start posting on this everyday but my keyboards broken. T-T So its been awhile since i've posted. Well its been a pretty uneventful week. So happy its Friday only one six weeks left and then we're out for summer Yay! So about my week hmmmm. well i got in an argument with my boyfriend over something dumb and then it turned into a argument about problems with our relationship. Well for one he never tells me anything and he lies then i cry. He started to feel bad and said "I'll tell you what if you keep smiling i'll quit lying" and i thought yeah right. Then the next day we were fighting cause of a girl he liked before me and i said that she was prettier and skinnier than me and how does he respond "but i chose you didn't I" what kind of answer is that? now off that topic, Last night we had a school band concert it was cool but we need lots of improvement before our contest on Tuesday. After we played i meet this cool guy from another school don't know if I'll ever see him again and i don't remember his name, but i hope i do. Today was so average that there is nothing to say really. My class played pictionary last period which is always fun to watch cause there so competitive but i seldom participate Plans for tomorrow: Micheal has another gig. Hope i get to go.

Friday April 9

First Post. Today was just another boring day at school. Work, work,work. I had to memorize 23 lines of Julius Caesar but since i didn't have time to recite it today i have to remember it all on weekend. And today Blaine(a guy in my class) made fun of me b/c i can't stay serious, he made me mad but when he kept telling me to smile i just couldn't help it. On the bright side Michael has a gig at Mi Casa( restaurant) and i going so it should be tons of fun. Otherwise no plans for today.